Could I Become a Foster Parent With Children's Aid and Family Services?

Opening your home as a treatment home and opening your heart as a foster parent to an older child is extremely rewarding, but how do you know if it's right for you? Below we outline some of the characteristics of a successful foster parent.

• Dedication to learning - All staff, including parents, clinicians, case managers, and child care workers, receive ongoing training. The willingness to learn how to do our jobs better and provide quality treatment to the children entrusted to our care is paramount.

• Sense of humor - The lives of many of our children have been filled with trauma and loss. Many of them have never learned how to relax, and feel lighthearted. The ability to enjoy life through moments of laughter is a characteristic that our foster parents can help nurture in the children they care for.

• Cultural sensitivity - Being supportive and showing interest in a child's cultural background, religion, and customs shows respect and helps build pride in a child.

• Sound, mature judgment - The ability to make responsible decisions that will teach foster children positive lessons.

• Good listening and clear communication skills - Very often our children just want to be heard. They need a safe, secure environment where they are permitted to express themselves and know that someone really cares and will listen. Communicating with a child in a clear and focused way is the best way to achieve understanding.

• Flexibility and willingness to adapt - Our children and families are required to participate in treatment to help the child heal. This includes weekly therapy sessions for the foster child, monthly family therapy sessions, psychiatric visits, monthly parent training, quarterly treatment planning conferences, occasional school meetings, and more. Providing transportation to appointments is also the foster parent's responsibility. All of the above may require flexibility with employment as well as household schedules.

• Patience - In coping with traumatic situations, many of our children have learned negative behaviors, such as lying to avoid being beaten. In the therapeutic environment of a treatment foster home, patient parents will help children learn positive skills for healthy living. Patience is an essential component for our parents as the growth process for our children may be very slow and teaching must often be repetitive.

• Satisfaction in and praise for small accomplishments - Parents who positively reinforce the smallest growth in our children help build their self esteem. This means acknowledging "baby steps" even when the children are older. A kind word or compliment can work wonders.

• Realistic expectations - The emotional, and sometimes developmental, age of treatment home children is often much younger than their chronological age. This means parental expectations must be realistic and targeted to goals that can reasonably be achieved.

• Empathy/emotional responsiveness - Our parents must be sensitive to the experiences of the children in their care. When times become difficult, it is essential that parents try to understand the reasons behind the child's behavior. For many of our children who have not yet learned how to articulate their feelings, negative behavior is their mode of expression.

• Ability to stay calm when challenged and not take problem behavior personally - Children in the treatment homes program have been neglected and abused. At times, their anger may be misdirected towards the people who are in caretaking roles. Understanding this dynamic is critical to being able to work through troubling times.

• Fairness, consistency and structure - Our children are often extra vigilant, scanning everything around them for indications of danger. Foster children want to know that our parents will treat them fairly, with the same respect as their own children. Consistency and structure also add to feeling safe and secure in a family setting.

• Team-player - Every child in the agency's care has a team of people - including case workers, therapists, and clinicians - who look out for, and advocate for, the child's best interests. Foster parents become an integral part of the child's treatment team. Decisions are made with the input of all members. Giving and receiving performance feedback is an important part of this process.